Stephanie,
You're very welcome. I'm very happy to have been able to validate your experience. My experience has been similar. . . my initial introduction to ky in 2001 made me really high, I was loving it. Then after a few years of practicing, I realized I was getting more and more ungrounded and certain practices weren't serving me. When I would go to ky classes or practice at home out of the manuals, I would often finish practice feeling spaced out and less connected to myself, not more.
These days, I do my own yoga sadhana, which is a carefully selected group of practices from kundalini and hatha yoga that I feel are very beneficial to me. I very rarely go to a kundalini class (maybe once a year!), and when I do, I often find my prana starts to get deranged when I do some of the exercises. I see everyone around me whipping their arms around as fast as they can, and I just go very slowly. That "move as fast as you can" approach REALLY does not work for me. I also rarely practice prolonged breath of fire or retention of the breath, unless it feels totally right.
One thing that's very rarely talked about in ky, but forms the basis of traditional yoga practice, is how our different yoga exercises affect the doshas - our ayurvedic constitution. For example, I am pitta-vata - which is fire-air-ether elements, mainly. When I do too much breath of fire or fast movements, my pitta-vata is further aggravated.
It's great that you're coming back to yoga with a heightened sensitivity and sense of discernment, and that you're now able to better help people. I would encourage you to continue to explore and deepen your practice, and try things out. Figure out what feels good to you. Do you do mantras or other meditation? I find the mantras are amazing, but even different mantras will affect the doshas in slightly different ways, so you have to feel which ones are best for you.
If it helps to clarify, I will give you a bit of info on what I do and do not practice, as an example on how to refine your sadhana. This took me years to discover, since I too was swept away by a lot of the hype about this or that kriya being great, or the highest, or the fastest, or whatever. (I started practicing hatha yoga around 1992 at the age of 14, started ky in 2001)
I don't do sat kriya. I don't do prolonged breath of fire. I don't do fast, jerky movements. I don't focus my eyes towards my third eye, as I find this very ungrounding, and I would find that I would create more tension in my face when - I have also observed that other people tense their foreheads up when focusing on their third eye.
I don't do a lot of navel pumping exercises or mantras that require navel pumping - or if I do, I pump very gently. I always make sure, if I ever retain the breath, that my jaw, throat, and chest are relaxed. Basically, I don't do anything that "doesn't feel right" - because I've found that when I push myself to do such things, I feel out-of-whack afterwards. When I started my ky practice, I would push myself to do whatever the teacher said. . . and oftentimes, I would feel great and high afterwards. But somewhere over time, this high was replaced by spaciness and feeling out of sorts when I did things that didn't feel right.
Here's some of what I do practice (not a complete list, just examples), and find to be very beneficial:
nabhi kriya. serabandandha kriya. bound lotus kriya. rocking bow pose (w/o BOF). stretch pose, sometimes with BOF, sometimes without, but never longer than my capacity. slow sun salutations are very good! plank pose is very good, holding with long deep breathing for 5-10 breaths, and relaxed heart, face and throat. some spinal flexing and cat cow, always done at a pace that feels right. . . I love headstand, shoulderstand, and plow. . . I never do these with breath of fire. I also practice nauli kriya, which is a hatha yoga technique.
mantras - in particular mul mantra, for its grounding quality, and "ra ma da sa sa say so hung" for its gentle yet incredible power and transformative effects. I also like to do alternate nostril breathing, rarely with any breath retention or counting breath ratios. I find it frees me to allow the breath to find its own rhythm. I also do simple buddhist-style breath awareness meditation, where I just observe the free movement of the breath. Usually for 10 minutes before I even tune in. I find this to be essential for myself.
Anyway, we don't have external gurus so much any more. . . as Yogiji and many other contemporary spiritual teachings are saying, we have to be our own gurus. Again, I'm so glad you felt validated when you read my post, and inspired to trust yourself and your experience!
sat nam
Ardas Singh
--- In Kundaliniyoga@yahoogroups.com, Stephanie Van Savage <vansavages@...> wrote:
>
> Sat nam Ardas Singh,
>
> I want to thank you for this post. It means so much - I have felt this and
> experienced what you are saying to be true and have not yet heard anyone
> acknowledge this aspect of the practice. I started a 40 day practice of 31
> minutes of the SDK under the suggestion of a teacher. This was after several
> years of practice and AFTER completing a 40-day set of the nahbi kriya. Up
> until that point the yoga was helping me break through many blocks and open up
> in new ways and this was very, very challenging to me - my life seemed like it
> was falling apart, but I felt like the things that were happening were necessary
> for growth. Then, when I began the SDK practice and really amping up my
> sadhana, I really felt like I began to go haywire. My energy was so
> disorganized and ungrounded and it was wrecking havoc with my emotions. I was
> so depressed thinking "why does everyone else get such great results and I am
> freaking out here?"Â I kept going thinking this was a block I needed to break
> through. Things were really bad for me and the teacher who recommended the
> practice to me said something like - "in my experience this is not the outcome
> of the practice."
>
> I met a holistic doctor who began to help me and I immediately stopped my
> practice and all the classes I was teaching. For 9 months I have been healing,
> regrouping, and grounding. I said I would never do the yoga again and never
> teach again because I saw what it did to me.
>
> My heart is open and people are drawn to me who are hurting and are at their
> end. A few months ago I decided to start practicing and teaching again because
> I do feel that gentle, basic practices can help people tremendously. I have
> been feeling more and more than people are STARVING for this and I must do my
> part. What most people DON'T need is the intensity that something like the SDK
> brings. What is needed is a loving, supportive community for spiritual
> expression and growth.
>
> I thank you again for saying what you said. I comes at a time when I needed to
> hear that most. I truly have been waiting for years to hear someone say this.Â
> Your words validate my experience. And I can have more confidence in what I
> feel I need to do, thanks to you.
>
> God bless you,
> Stephanie
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